steam27

I've been dreaming quite a bit lately. While most of them are only slightly disturbing my recent dream last night of being in prison and enjoying it makes me wonder if my marbles are still between my ears.

Setting:
My dream involved this large two-three story building that was open and white and strangely inviting. An entrance which cells on either side of the floor that were open and shared. The building was a prison in the sense that it had bars but was more of a large social community of people in extremely large cells that housed 4-6 people and we each had a section of room that was personalized but nothing much more than a bed and a desk to ourselves.

The upper floor was a floor of horrors. Largely obese people in these shiny turquoise pajamas that were more plastic than cloth and they had a rack of pajamas in the hallway to their fairly large rooms. The disturbing part was that the opening seat of the pajamas was brown and obviously discoloured by feces. Each large room had 8-16 obese people that were bed ridden and mostly sleeping.

In this dream I have been sent to prison for "driving under the influence" and that my sentence was yet to be determined. For some odd reason I had privileges to leave and was mostly picked up by my parents (dad) when ever they wanted tho I had a fairly strict timeline of outside freedom.

My father was driving me back to meet my curfew and I noticed an old friend cycling on the road. I wanted to stop and say hello but my dad said that it didn't matter and that I had places to be. I stopped anyways and conversed with my friend about my incarcerations uncertainty and had a smoke.

In the dream I felt pleased to be in the prison as I felt I had time to think things through about my life. I was a little nervous at the length of my impending sentence but I felt I finally had time to not worry about finding a job and could spend time creating art and rediscovering/reflect on myself.

Dreams can mean all sorts of things and although I've been dreaming about some really personal hardships lately, this dream seems to stick out for it's oddity and because it is the most clear out of all my recent dreams.

A quote from dreammoods.com:

"To dream that you are in prison indicates that you are being censored in some area of your life. You feel that your creativity is being limited and that you are not allowed to express yourself."

Except this was a dream where prison was FOR creativity and not holding me back. The prison had it drawbacks and horrors but its underlying meaning is widely open for interpretation. Just like most Buddhist sayings are "It is _____ and it isn't _____" there could be many meanings but I see it as a fear of starting the next chapter of my life. Feeling so overwhelmed that I need to be in a prison so that I have time to think and figure things out. The obese people on the second floor, to me, represent staying stagnant in their life choices and are completely dependent on others to take care of their needs.

If I stay stagnant to long I will have a bed waiting for me on the second floor. haha

I've been thinking about art recently and how I gave up on it because I could not see how it could ever relate to money.

I look at my roughed out comic thinking I should finish that and print it and...

Today I was tested
I saw you there
With that guy
At our restaurant

I will not lose myself
I have come to far
I will not break
I will not lose the new man I have become

You were my world
You absorbed my identity
I did not know how to function
Without you

I will be forever weak
Whenever I try to forget you
My mind and eyes betray me
Because I see love that now is lost

I will still feel because I am human.
I will still hold a part of my heart to you
I will not give into this sadness
I will be more.

-Andrew Elbendari

_{[note:I always add images to my posts to make it more interesting or at least have a theme. I dig it anyway.]}

This year has definitely been a big year of ups and downs. (mostly down but I don't want to dwell about it, not my style) And I'm just makin' things work. Earlier this year, later last year, I thought I had most of my life together and there was only a few things I had to work on. Right now, I have to work on everything. It's crazy how things flip when life throws change your way. I guess who you are is how you deal with obstacles in your life. Embracing change is a part of me that's new but it is a necessary tool for survival that I need to master. Adapt or be left behind. (Sounds like something darwin would/did say. heh heh)

A few months back, a five year relationship I was in ended and at first it felt right to leave and now I know that I still have some residual feelings left to deal with. In your mind you always think, if I did this or that differently things might not be the way they are now. But now I know what happened was for the best and all I can do is pick up the pieces and try to bring my life to a solid state once again.

I'm living at my fathers again but in the basement and I've decked it out pretty awesomely! I'll take pics and post them when I'm done but essentially right now, it's a haven for all I love of pop culture. Comics, games, movies, DUH WURKS! Speakin' of comics, I've started drawing again!!! And I'm back to work on my comics/ogn again. I have some stuff planned to show mid next week, webcomic-wise, and I don't wanna jinx it by saying to much so I'll show ya when I get a bit more of it done. (that's you're treat for reading this far, thank you, heh heh)

Well that's it for now,

Andrew

Life throws you curve balls and you either gotta catch the ball or move out of the way. I'm in one of those positions now and I'm taking a break to get myself together/in order.

So I'm just generally taking a break from art, comics, and the internet so I can remember how to live and escape my office/dungeon of comicbook hobbitism.

I plan to return at some point but right now all that I love is taking a back seat for now while I figure some stuff out.

Thanks for reading,


Andrew

Instead of being a lazy f**ktard like I usually am I'm gonna make a list of stuff to conquer today and I will cross those out as I go. I think I should do this daily so I can make some progress (keep motivated) on my work! If I don't complete it feel free to hassle/motivate me to do better!

-Work on mini comics for FanExpo 2010 (5 pages thumbnailed)
-Play Medal of Honor
-Play Tatsunoko vs Capcom
-Play Call of Duty
-Read Kick-Ass Comic/ Watch movie
-Watch Hell's kitchen season 2 episodes

[I'm sure you're wondering why I have things on there that aren't super constructive towards my number one item there. Well to me it's important to achieve everything that I can to stay happy and focused! Work & play are a delicate balance!)


Also I picked up cheek's Bastion 7 figure that finally came into my local comic shop! It's pretty awesome!


Toodles.

Man was I ever getting sick of looking at my old mug on that there last post. Here's one of my more recent doodles towards hopefully finishing a mini comic for FanExpo 2010!

Wish me luck! :D

I'm not posting this pic to be vain or cuz I like seeing two of myself. (but it would be mighty handy to have a clone no? One to go to work and the other to work on comics!!! :D)

I wonder if people realize that the person they see in the mirror is not what other people see. I know you're thinkin' duh or who cares right? Well I do! And even though it looks so similar, to me, the me on the right (flipped image) looks a lot more like me than that of the left. My eyes/mind have been lied to all these years and you might not think it makes a difference but all those times you've made faces in the mirror (c'mon admit it!) I wonder if you factored in the back of you mind that you're just looking at the flip of it and that it might not work?

And this is probably why I've felt so unphotogenic all these years. Gotta get used to me version 2...or is that version 1? I guess for people who have super symmetrical faces (movies stars and lucky ppl I guess) that it's no big diff but in my case, I can see the difference.

Some food for thought eh? Try it yourself! FLIP YO' FACE!!!

DrewwerD

For the full description visit my website at http://gottadraw.com/?p=219

Thanks for looking!

Drew

Bin dyin' to get my hands on these! They're so awesome! Can't wait to read'em! Mini comix rule! Woot!

http://chamonkee.livejournal.com/

Even just typing this shit up takes forever. The whole time I'm doing this my pc sounds like a cement mixer gurgling pure pain and frustration. I really gotta find a way to get a new one. I can't put up with the loading time of 3 mins to just open a web browser and when it does open every page takes FOREVER to load and is ULTRA SUPER slow. Can you imagine photoshop?....ugh. We've had better days old buddy, but right now....FU!!!